Kult of Athena


Saturday, December 19, 2009

Epic Combat

In honor of the movie Gladiator, no not the wonderful Russel Crowe sword epic about honor an truth, but rather one of the greatest, if not the greatest B films of all time with Cuba Gooding Jr. and the legendary Brian Dennehy, I have tonight composed a special exhibition for all of my loyal followers. Tonight, we will have a steel on steel match up between two of the finest challengers in my collection: The Global Gear Solingen and the dreaded slicer champion, The EYE OF BALOORR!.



At first glance, the swords seem evenly matched. Both blades are made of high quality steel; both have attractive fittings; and both, I know from personal experience, fit very comfortably in the hand and make a very thrilling woosh sound when slicing the air.

Now wait, let's take this fight, in the style of Gladiator, into account by comparing the attributes of the two swords.

The Solingen:

  • Weight: 2 pounds (for the sake of argument)

  • Blade Length: 32.1 inches

  • Fear Factor When Swung Like a Crazed Viking: Scary, but no wet ankles

The Eye of Balor:

  • Weight: 2.6 pounds

  • Blade Length: 30 inches

  • Fear Factor When Swung Like a Crazed Viking: I would say terrifying, especially if someone caught a look at the cats like Sauron eyeball looking at them from the hilt before it was drawn


The fight is on! The clang of steel against steel reverberates off of the walls of the corridor as these monsters go at it. Each delivers solid hits on the other. Making dents, dings, and small nicks. The warriors are dead tired, their comrades fallen around them. Only one goes on to claim all kinds of goodies from the others camp (gold, women, other fine swords, other assorted iPod like gadgets). They know its all or nothing.

Rawwrrr! (They charge)

There is a scarping, sheering sound that splits the air! The hardened high carbon blade of the Eye of Balor has gone straight through the softened, albeit more flexible, spring blade of the Solingen (and subsequently the warrior's dome piece) and he carries on to claim sweet booty.

WINNER: The terror of the ancient Celts (as was told in their myths), the super sexy and super dangerous Eye O' Balor. Brian Dennehy, you are the Solingen.




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