Kult of Athena


Tuesday, April 18, 2017

The DSA Claymore: Under the Hood

First and foremost, this is not a post to bash Darksword Armory.

I have plenty of other posts that expound upon the virtues of their services and the quality of their products.

In fact, it was meant to be quite the opposite.

I sincerely wanted to give them another chance and prove myself wrong; thinking that the build of the majority of their products was off.

I wanted to break down the hilt of this blade and see a wide, thick tang staring back at me, so I could:

  • Post and publish the “under the hood” information
  • Stop all the “DSA bashing” that generally comes from my camp
  • Send the sword to Wes for a newer, tighter handle to improve the sword

And, that is generally how things started off:

Nice Wrapping:

Then…well….I’ll let you draw your own conclusions. Mine are already etched in stone: 

The Measurements:
Width of the Tang at the Widest: 5/8 of an inch
Width of the Tang at the thinnest: Between 1/8 and ¼ of an inch
Thickness of the Tang (Flat): ¾ of an inch

I’m not going to say another word.
Happy Swording to all...

Thursday, March 23, 2017

How Do I Convince My Wife To Let Me Buy An Expensive Sword?:

Ah, the age old question.

I think women are genetically predisposed to objecting to sword purchases. There was a flaming sword that kept Eve out of the Garden of Paradise after they ate the forbidden fruit, so I am assuming that hatred for sharp shiny things comes from there.

But, I have actually been through this exact situation before.

And, I want to help you and all my brothers and sisters of the sword who have to go through the painstaking process of actually getting what they want at the price they are willing to pay.

Planning My Attack: 
To give you a little bit of background, my wife is a school teacher and says “no” to shithead teenagers all day. She also teaches “Argument for Public Speaking” to High Schoolers, so my task to try and convince her this is a necessary purchase is doubly difficult. 

But, I do have a pretty decent collection, so I must be doing something right, yeah? Maybe she is just nice. Yeah, we’ll go with that (hi, hun!)

What You Can Do:
There are several things you can do to get the sword you want; keeping in mind it is not a $5000 custom work (then you’re on your own).

1) If you have any additional sources of income (freelancing, second job, lotto tickets, etc) use those

2) Use birthdays, anniversaries, or other special occasions/accomplishments to justify

3) Promise you won’t buy one for an extended period of time (“If I get this one, I won’t buy another for a year.” It was 2 in my case. I have 4 months and 8 days left)

4) Sign up for a new credit card, buy the sword, pay off the CC in small amounts every month

5) Have an open and honest discussion with her (just make sure the bills are paid, first).

"Hun, I have done my research, and this is the best sword I will ever own. The bills are paid and more aren’t due until next month-ish and we have the money. This is something I am passionate about and I would like to be able to learn properly with the tools that are available to me on the market.”

If she doesn't respond to your hard work and reasoning, well then, she's like every other wife out there. Ha! But, you have to try.

6) Buy it and ask forgiveness with something nice for her that you NEVER do (get dressed up and take her out, flowers, day at the spa, etc.)

7) Talk about the consistent resale value of a high-priced sword like an Albion or Christian Fletcher. You can always put it back on the market and it should go quickly, due to the small sword community you are a part of.

8) Look on eBay and the SBG Sale Forums to find the sword at a lower price. You can always try and negotiate with the seller, let them know your situation, then show your wife the savings when you get it.

If none of these work, then use combinations, just beg (no, don't), or forget the purchase for now and revisit. LOL. Every marital situation is different, as is every wife. 

If you don’t know how to navigate her, should you really be married in the first place? Just kidding…or am I?

Bottom line: You have one shot at life. Buy the Albion. 

Good luck!

Friday, January 13, 2017

Should I Buy Swords from Darksword Armory?

It’s a simple question that both experienced collectors and those handling their first sword can and should ask themselves. 

The simple answer is: NO.

Unequivocally, and unapologetically, swords from Darksword Armory are, at this present time, flashy...well-drawn...5160 steel (which is great steel)...pieces of shit.  

Now, it might be easy for some of you to say, “Huh??! WHOA! You sour grapes little butt-hurt bitch! That is way too strong! Not to mention its only your opinion. From the looks of them, and for the price, I am totally getting mine.”

You’re right it is strong. I'll give it to you. You’re absolutely 100% correct.

It is also a fair assessment of a reputation that has been EARNED, rest assured.  

But, far be it for me to get between a fool and his money. We all know how that relationship ends, right?

You can choose to stop reading, go buy one, and WASTE your hard-earned cash on these half-assed  sword-like-objects if you want to.

That's your choice. ‘Murica, and all.

Or, do you care to stay a while and listen?

Doing so just might save you THOUSANDS on swords.

Stroll with me…

The Now Dimmed-Side of Darksword:
As we know from my previous blog about Darkswords (let’s just combine Darksword Armory and swords, shall we?), there have been a host of issues with a number of their weapons; ranging from their Claymore ($445) to their Guardian ($425) to their Wolfsbane ($700), to presently, their now-discontinued (shocker)

 Faenor Sword ($500+)

These issues included:

·Bent Blades
·Loose Fittings
·Scuffs & Dings
·Shoddy Sharpening
·Secondary Bevels

The list just goes on and on from clients who have had these REALLY EXPENSIVE first-hand calamities befall their blades, some on little more than 2 liter water bottles!

Head to About 8:00 mins

But like Skallagrim and the others, my main gripe with Darksword fell, and still falls, with something that is ABSOLUTELY VITAL and ESSENTIAL to the soul of the sword. It is something that no sword can be swung without....

That’s right.


This area of almost ALL the Darkswords I have handled is where their efforts literally FALL APART.

Steel Reparations:
Again, from my previous Darksword blog, you know my DSA Guardian sword died on me.

In recapp, it broke TWICE (just like my DSA claymore did) – meaning the sword was bent at the tang, the wood of the grip was cracked, the “peened” (which means simply screwed on overweight metal piece) pommel was about to fly apart almost on the next swing.

The thing was sickly.

And, for a time, I followed along meekly with the instructions from DSA; sending everything back to Montreal, and called it great customer service.

But after the most recent event, when the Guardian broke for a 2ND time (summer of 2016-ish), I decided to take a stand and stop doing that back and forth, JV mailing bullshit.

Instead, this time around, I opted for a second opinion from this man (mad genius that he is):

Wes took the hilt apart and laughed hysterically (rightfully so):

The mirror was shattered and I was pissed.

Something had to be done.

The Carpathian Plan:
Instead of having them botch the repair job AGAIN, which is evident from repair experience 1 to repair experience 2, I made an agreement with them:

Good morning Darksword Armory,

We recently discussed the defects with the tang on my Guardian sword. You attributed it to smith negligence (for which he was dismissed, thankfully), and spoke of constructing a new one for me to the specifications and quality that I need in order to have a "battle ready" DSA weapon on hand.

Seeing that an outside smith is presently correcting the issues on the one that I received for my wedding back in 2012, and a duplicate of the same functional sword would seem redundant, would your forge be amenable to offering me a well-constructed Carpathian Sword in its place?

I want to keep faith and support with your forge, and I believe that receiving a well-made, properly-constructed sword of the same monetary value (if not sentimental value) as the Guardian would go far in assuring our relationship stay intact.

Please let me know that you agree. If so, you can send the newly forged Carpathian sword to:
My address.

Looking forward to your positive response,

To which I received:

“Hi Mike,
We will send you the Carpathian Sword, not a problem. It will be shipped out next week latest. Thanks.
If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact us.
Thank you,
Darksword Armory Inc.”

(NOTE: Let them try and deny it. I have the original email)

I waited and it finally arrived…

A Carpathian Christmas:
Before we jump ahead, this sword arrived, true to their word, on October 24th. In my infinite wisdom, I decided to give myself a nice little gift for Christmas. I decided to wait 2 MONTHS; thinking that if I had the patience, dad could give himself a little something on Christmas that he knew his wife was not going to give him.

Dumb fuck.

The Heel Test:
After celebrating the birth of the tiny, 8lb 9oz baby Jesus, I busted the DSA Carpathian out the box, and took a firm grip....

Immediately, I could tell that, AGAIN, this steel turd was polished.

Like the previous swords of its ilk that I had received from DSA, it felt solid in some places and totally wobbly in others.

I decided to give it my Heel Test – gently rapping the heel of my hand against the blade somewhere near the ricasso and see how the vibrations traveled throughout the steel and the entire sword.

I knew that, by doing this test, I would be able to experience a pretty significant difference in the overall movement of the blade when struck (much less), as I had on the Guardian Wes had regripped for me.

The Carpathian shook from pommel to tip like FUCKING SLINKY - an obvious sign that the tang was far too narrow and there was PLENTY of space for shit to move around. 

Off to the Wolf:
I couldn’t believe it!

I had specifically asked them to make me a well-made, properly-constructed sword! I gave them simple instructions to follow:

"...receiving a well-made, properly-constructed sword of the same monetary value..."

and this was their “We’re sorry” piece to make amends???

The message was clear:

'We at Darksword don’t give a shit that you are dissatisfied. Here is another rotten banana, monkey. Now, fuck off. (paraphrasing)'

At least, that is how I felt about it.

So, off to Wes and Lonely Wolf Forge, THAT ONE went too!

Am I Right, or Am I Right?
But the kicker of this whole mess was that I didn't KNOW for sure that the sword had another shitty tang.

I was praying I was wrong.

Once it went to Lonely Wolf, Wes smashed the core of the hilt on the Carpathian in real time as I was chatting with him on FB messenger. I just couldn’t wait to find out if I had a dud (like I suspected) or not.

Turns out, my suspicions were well-founded:

Cue the continued Wes Beem laughter (well-deserved).

There wasn't a drop of epoxy on the tang or the handle, Wes told me, and when he smashed it to fix it, it quite literally fell to pieces. 

Darksword had swindled me again.

They’d hear about it.

A Strongly Worded Letter:
Along with tons of social media commentary and photos, I wrote DSA their “Dear John” pretty much after I received their shitty replacement sword:

“Hey Darksword, 

After handling the sword you sent me to replace the Guardian Sword with the tiny tang, I sent it out to a blacksmith friend out in Ohio. Somehow, it just didnt feel right. It just didnt ring right when I slapped the hilt with the palm of my hand. 

And, you know what happened? You know what we discovered? Can you guess?? You sent me ANOTHER dangerous, skinny, rat-tail tanged weapon that wouldnt be safe to cut a pool noodle with! Shocker. 

Please understand, I will no longer be buying any of your products, as I no longer have any faith in them. Please believe me that all that "GREAT" customer service you're so proud of is not going to make up for the shoddy construction of your weapons.

And rest assured, I am going to make sure people know it. The construction of your weapons is horrible, and the fact that you blatantly lie to your customers throughout your website - durability, tough, hand-made in Canada - is deplorable.

We're a small community - the sword world - and word travels fast.

A former fan,

“Hi Michael,

We do agree this one was also thinner than what we usually have although you can have a 2 inch wide tang that has been poorly tempered / not tempered and bend it with ease as opposed to, for example, a ¼ inch wide tang that has been properly heat treated and tempered that will be structurally sound and excessively difficult to bend.

There is no reason to overbuild a sword.

We stand by our products 100% because we are absolutely confident about our workmanship and products. We have only had 1 event where a sword broke during destructive tests, and recently under skull’s review of the Feanor, where the wood handle cracked due to vibrations.

Our swords have been reviewed on youtube by hundreds of people, only two or three failed, and those who do, we honored and corrected the issue. Fact is, our swords are internationally known to be among the toughest swords on the market and certainly one of the best swords for price/quality ratio. As Paul Southern’s (SBG owner) coined the term, Darksword Armory swords “are tough as nails.”

That said however, It's quite obvious you aren't satisfied with our products. I have created a prepaid label to get the Carpathian Sword back. I have also attached the commercial invoice you will need to send it back.

We agreed that you would send the Guardian Sword back but we never received it. So we would like this one returned since it was never paid for.


I shit you not. This is all verbatim.

Their company actually TOLD me to stop buying their products. Best advice they have given in our entire relationship.

But, it can’t end there….it is Darksword, after all. 



That Carpathian sword was given to me as a replacement gesture for the shoddy work on my Guardian sword. I have an email chain that has one of your employees, if not Eyal himself, agreeing to ship the Carpathian to me under such an arrangement. I did not send the Guardian sword back to you, as work had already been done on it by an independent smith after it broke. 

In short, I am not sending the Carpathian back to you at all now, as I am spending money to have the hilt core redone completely, a new wrap put on, and the pommel recentered, as needed to be done. 

Also, rest assured, I will NEVER buy from you again. You can stand by your sub-par imported weapons all you want, but there is no hiding the truth from customers when the evidence is right in front of them through photos. 

I will consider this matter closed from this point. Please do not contact me again. 


The End?
Probably not. From a company that treats their customers this way, blatantly lies about the quality of their products on their website, and then responds like this when ONE client tries to have them make amends?

I suspect I’ll get some sort of angry, shot from-the-hip retort, possibly even a phone call from some squirrely Canuck lawyer.

I stand unafraid.

The Bottom Line:
Just don’t buy from Darksword Armory. Period.

The odds that you WON’T get a lizard-tailed cinderblock that is built on a bendy straw (thanks Wes) are astronomically small.

In fact, they’re just about as likely as me getting 1 of the 6 swords that went out fucked up back when their now-fired employee was grinding down the tangs (their actual excuse when Wes broke my Guardian).  

My Advice:
This is what a proper tang should look like:

Tang Dimensions:
And, according to the experts who do this shit WELL for a living, the dimensions of a proper tang should be, and I am directly quoting well-respected bladesmith Tom Kinder,

"3/4" to 7/8" is the size of the tang at its fattest; tapering down to half inch for the keyed section inserted into pommel then 1/4" threads to finish and provide compression." 

Keyed & Hex Nut Tangs & Pommels:
Also, should responsible companies choose to key their pommels (which can be very wise), and again, I am quoting other well-known blacksmith Wes Beem at Lonely Forge,

"a properly keyed tang with a hex nut is acceptably durable. Its not as durable as a hot-peened and keyed tang, but it is a large step in the right direction because the keying removes a lot of the stress. not all but a lot."

Darksword Armory, apparently, believes in none of these things and follows through on NONE of these things when constructing their weapons.

Think I am whining?

Check out all the DSA examples as far back as 2009 (Archer's Arming Sword) on the SBG Construction Database 

Talk to people like Jonathan Sarge, Dean Marino, and others on the All Swords Facebook Group who have taken apart legions of these things and seen DSA's "good" work firsthand.

Ask around with people in the sword community who have owned one of these things only to have it essentially DISINTEGRATE in their hands; turning their $500+ into burnt paper.  

"Save for An Angus..."
Staring down this shit sandwich, the best thing you can do - even as a novice - is save for an Angus Trim, Michael Tinker, an Albion, a Valiant Armory, or even a Zombie Tools sword.

Again, ask around about custom smiths who are building their reputations and businesses and WANT to make you an exceptional sword that you can write home about.

Production Options:
If it is production-level swords and cost-effectiveness you need, get feedback from many experts and collectors alike (they'll probably tell you Hanwei Tinker for Euros and give you insight into the issues with many other specific companies).

Furthermore, ask to see the dimensions of the sword – tang and all before you buy – from the vendor (excellent idea Dean Marino).

The SBG Sword Construction Database has more information about what proper tangs are supposed to look like, and how they are supposed to be held together.

If the company wont or doesn’t want to give you the dimensions, or what the tang looks like broken down, then their just not proud of their products, are trying to hide something, or just KNOW that you wont like what you see b/c they KNOW they have fundamental issues with their swords. 

As far as Darksword and I are concerned...


Until they address that there is an issue with the way their Chinese forgers make their sword tangs and FIX THE FUCKING PROBLEM, they can never, in my opinion, be considered swords that are worth my time and treasure.

Swing steel that's worth your hand. God speed.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Musashi Katana & Improved DSA Guardian Cutting Videos

Before the weather took a turn for the shitty here in the Bay State, I was able to get out and do some cutting with a couple of swords I had wanted to try for some time.

One, the Musashi Katana, was something that I had from my impetuous infantile days of sword collecting when Lord of the Rings was God, and I didn’t have clue one.

The other, well, the other was a new and improved DSA model that Wes Beem from Lonely Forge was able to turn from a pile of skinny steel shit (pretty much) to a moderately-salvageable heirloom from my wedding day. You can read all about that sad story right HERE.

But, without further ado, I present to you, my most recent cutting vids. Enjoy!

Musashi Katana

Improved DSA Guardian


Thursday, September 15, 2016

The Bright Side of Darksword: The Guardian

Darksword Armory's Guardian Sword

It was a wedding gift: 

A special request:

An inscribed heirloom presented to me by the best friends I had in the world:

It was a sword I had coveted for so long that it alone was what sustained my actual desire for sharp steel, unquestioningly, before I bought it:

At the time, it was my "Angus Trim," my "Albion." 

I posted blogs about it:

Featured it prominently: 

When I received it, I made montages of it and praised its prowess: 

I even went so far as to swallow some fears, take to YouTube, and create some informational (and hopefully entertaining) cutting videos with it:

Yeah, this 5 lb steel dream-come-true had that look, that feel, you know? 

Touted as "full tang," "hot peen," the works, it was my go-to Euro, and my main cutter. It was the sword I said I would carry into battle if battle ever came down to Midgard.

In short, I loved it.

But then things mysteriously began to unravel.

After light cutting in the yard, the pommel came loose. Nothing too serious, but when you have this picture of reliability in your head, and you expect performance, you're still a little surprised when something goes amiss.

Naturally, I contacted Darksword Armory.

True to form - and living up to their reputation of service - they said for me to send it back and they would handle all the repairs, FREE OF CHARGE.


And, though sending back the sword via USPS (and ONLY USPS) across international borders into Canada was a chore, and expensive ($35 one way), this was MY Guardian! Come on, no-brainer right?

I did. It came back. Nothing was loose, everything back to normal.

I kept cutting.

Not too long ago, the pommel loosened again.

THE FUCK is going on here??

I decided then to send it to a friend - an independent bladesmith and mad genius with damaged swords - Wes Beem, instead of sending it back to Canada (and Darksword) one last time.

He made a truly SHOCKING discovery:


"This can't be," I thought. "These things range in price anywhere from $340 for their basic model swords to $1950 for their "elite" Damascus steel models! How is THIS allowed to happen??!"

Needless to say, when shared on social media, the responses from the intelligent sword owners and smiths within our small community went as expected:

"This thing sells for $1600 and they offer it sharpened? Hope no one tries to cut with theirs..."

"And I used to cut shit with a DSA....scary stuff."

" Built like a brick shit house all on that anorexic threaded tang..." 

"I have the DSA that *** reviewed now and i will only cut bottles with it cause I dont wanna die."

"I own a DSA and I think she`s beautiful. 5160 steel, case hardened and sharp convex grind. However... after reading through this thread and seeing your examples... I think I`ll just leave her up on the wall."

"See, that's why I join this group! A few posts read and already I learned much!" 

I needed more. I needed to take action!

The justified reactions, and my own searing discontent, prompted me to reach out to Darksword Armory PERSONALLY and find some sort of solace, some sort of recourse for the TRAUMA I had just experienced from the utter failure of this weapon:

My Letter to Darksword:

"Hey guys,
One of the swords I received from your forge, the Guardian, broke again recently. I had sent this back to you once before - along with my DSA claymore (which broke twice). 

I decided, this time, to reach out to a smith friend of mine who does custom work and repairs on broken blades. He took the sword apart and needless to say, the tang, pommel, guard, and most of the grip was...um..less than secure. 

Frankly, I was SHOCKED to see hex nuts and glue where there should have been a hot peen, a noodle-like tang where there should have been 2 inches of hard steel in terms of tang width, and a widening crack in the wooden handle underneath the wrap after only some light cutting with backyard water bottles. 
My smith friend is doing what he can now to remedy this shoddy construction.

As it is a 2012 model - before your upgraded to the 5160 steel, and before you made improvements to the construction of your swords - I am going to allow you to make this right. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, because in the past, I have been a BIG supporter of your forge. 

Ideally, as this is a wedding gift, as a suggestion in terms of recompense, I would appreciate it if you made me a new Guardian with a FULL, STRONG, WIDE tang, a hot-peened, secured pommel, and the words "PALS" inscribed down the blade, approximately 3 inches down the ricasso (as was the case with the previous one). 

I am anxiously awaiting your response to this proposal and an explanation as to why these "battle ready" swords have such skinny, DANGEROUS tangs attached to 5lbs of sharpened pieces of steel.


Darksword's Reply:

"Hi Mike Terry, 

Looking at the tang we can tell this was a sword that was manufactured and shipped back in 2015 (nope, but go on). At the time we had a new employee that was grinding the tangs down instead of making the handles to fit the width of the tang. 

Once we received a couple of returns, Eyal unassembled the returns and found out what the employee was doing, he was therefore immediately dismissed from Darksword. This was a short temporary issue and we're very sorry you were one of the few. 

We would be glad to replace the Guardian for a proper one AT OUR COST. Please email us at info@darksword-armory.com with your information. Thanks."

Again, true to form, Darksword got back to me promptly and gave me a personalized solution to my issue.

"That is excellent news and in line with the kind of customer experience that I have come to know from Darksword! I will email you, for sure. 

It does beg the question though, is the happening more often than not? I am hearing from many other people that this is the norm for Darksword Armory weapons, and that is disconcerting to me.

Lack of hot peens? Shoddy guard grips? Hollow handles that don't squeeze the tang tightly? 

Would your company be amenable to a list of defections that might keep people from buying your products and incorporate those fixes (cost effectively?) I am a fan of Darksword, but you cant shake people's faith like that and expect to skate."

"Hi Mike, absolutely not (in response to my "Is the happening more often than not?" question, I think). 

We (Darksword) give 110% when producing our blades and providing optimal assembly. It can happen that with all our daily tasks, things can be missed, unfortunately. But we work hard to get where we want to be everyday and maintaining that can prove to be a challenge sometimes. I hope this doesn’t stir you away from our dedication and support."

A Dose of Reality:

Now, let's be honest about some things. 

All swords, from cheap Pakistani SLOs (sword-like-objects) to master smith dream works can break. They did in live battle back in the Middles Ages, and they do today. 

I know this. We all do. 

Also, to be truthful, the 5160 steel tang never snapped or broke anywhere, just the other hilt components attached to it. The tempering seemed fine.

But there is one thing I would like to focus on in this entire transaction - the bright side of things in this whole expensive shitty mess: Darksword was there for me, as their customer, when I needed them.

Seems to me...:
Whatever you feel about Darksword, no one can take away from the quality of their personalized and prompt service. It's very evident to me that they care about their customers.

That being said, 
  • Does Darksword have fundamental flaws in their sword assembly and hilt components? In my estimation, YES they do
  • Do these flaws seem to influence customers concerning the "battle-tested" promise they were given by the company; causing them to ask themselves: 
"Am I holding a trumped-up wall hanger in my hand, or do I have complete faith in the company's claims of "lasting durability?"


And though that's a big gamble to take - and a lot to ask of common people (mostly untrained) who are swinging around 3-5lb pieces of sharpened steel; just praying for them not to fly apart and potentially take off an appendage - Darksword TRIES.

What does that mean? It means that, unlike Cold Steel who will sue you for using the term San Mai (shhh), Darksword does certain things that EARN your (wary) loyalty.

  • They WILL call you/email you back, promptly and investigate 
  • They WILL accept the responsibility of fixing the flaws in their sword hilt constructions 
  • And they WILL (or at least have for me OVER THE ENTIRE COURSE OF ANY ISSUES IV'E EXPERIENCED) assume the costs for you to make sure things turn out right, in the end. 
Effort Counts:
Does that mean that all is forgiven? In the words of Darksword "absolutely not."

Would I recommend Darksword Armory to someone just starting out and looking for a "high-quality" blade? Yeah, I think I still would, but now with reservations and explanations that this kind of situation COULD happen to them.

But what wouldn't I do?  I would NEVER say that they just didn't give a shit when things go south. Eyal and his crew take the time to respond to their customers, understand their needs, and do their brand of justice for their consumers. They put in the work when something goes wrong, and in my estimation, you HAVE TO respect that.

Whether their swords come from India, China, or Montreal (ive heard China then Montreal), if Darksword could translate that kind of customer service into their assembly, could they be one of the best swordmakers on the market? A big fat "yes." 

Will they? Only time will tell.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Marco Polo: The Game of Thrones of the East

Noble house takes on noble house in a no-holds barred blood feud for the control of the realm.

Rebels in a distant court devise intricate plots and schemes to overthrow their mighty ruler and bring an end to his reign, once and for all.

A young foreigner with a mysterious past, and unknown future, takes his place as an unsuspecting hero and rises to the rank of one of the mightiest rulers in all of history.

Sound familiar? One of HBO’s best shows right? Dragons, elf children, resurrections, and strange gods?


It’s historical fiction. It’s as dazzling in its plot twists as anything by Martin, and it’s available to all you Netflix n' Chillers right now.

Its name is “Marco Polo.”

What Is Marco Polo Even About?
We’ve all heard about the intrepid adventures of one of the greatest explorers in history, Marco Polo. But, what this show has done is developed a story around one of his greatest experiences: his time in the court of one of the greatest kings in all of history, the Mongol ruler, Kublai Khan.

I don’t want to ruin anything for you (in fact, there is so much packed into two seasons, I actually couldn’t) but after Marco’s father displeases the Great Khan, Marco is given as tribute and recompense (unbeknownst to Marco) and things kick off from there.

Having just finished their second season (of which I have watched and loved every episode), I can confidently say that Marco Polo is every bit as intriguing as Game of Thrones, and offers just as many incredible characters, plots, cruelties, battles, duels, weapons, love scenes, and of course, what we all look for in a cable show now….


Who Are the Main Characters of Marco Polo?:
Ever seen “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon?” There’s some of that in there!

Ever wanted to watch two enormous grizzly bears fight to the death with curved Mongolian sabers? You got it!

Ever thought, “Jesus, it’s all a bunch of white people on TV, with no people of color calling the shots!” Well, I think there are MAY BE TWO white people on the whole show, and they play minor (yes, I’m talking to you, Marco) roles.

Don’t believe me? Let’s take a brief look at some of the best players this masterpiece has to offer and see if we can change your mind:

Marco Polo:

Alright, let’s get ½ of the white guys out of the way right off the bat (Marco's dad is the other). Marco Polo goes from Venetian delivery boy to Hand of the King (or Hand of the Kublai) in quick order. 

He is trained by a bad ass Chinese blind monk (we’ll get to him in a moment) named 100 Eyes, and, in proper interloper fashion, dips his Italian pen in some restricted Mongol ink which gets him into some serious trouble.

Will white people never learn?

Game of Thrones Counterpart:
John Snow (of course) and Robb Stark

Kublai Khan:

Warrior, philosopher, husband, father, ruler, family man, comedian – Kublai, even after doing some DESPICABLE things, is one character on this show you can’t help but LOVE. Even when you’re not rooting for him, you kind of are in the back of your mind b/c he takes ZERO shit and mans up – even on the battlefield (even though he’s kind of a big fella).

I won’t go into it too much, but, SPOILER ALERT, in the course of carving out and expanding his kingdom he takes out MOST of his family members. I mean, who wouldn’t right?

Take a look:

If nothing else, you should love Kublai Khan for little lines, like:

“Your skin brings to mind fine parchment, or the rose petals I use to clean my ass.”

Game of Thrones Counterpart: 
Robert Baratheon (young and old), The Mountain, Tywinn Lannister, and Varys. 

100 Eyes:

100 Eyes could be one of the biggest draws of this show. Shaolin Monk-turned-Mongol-servant, 100 Eyes learns the hard way that disobedience has its price, and loyalty – at least in the court of Kublai – has a future. His fighting prowess is unmatched. His temple (that’s right, Kublai builds him his own temple in his court) is incredibly intricate and totally boss, and his help to the military is invaluable.

Again, I don't won’t give too much away about his exploits, but let’s just say he’s the fucking Wolf from Pulp Fiction. He’s “El Duche” from Boondock Saints. He’s the guy you want – even though he’s blind – when things just HAVE TO go your way.

Aside from Kublai, he’s easily the best character on the show, which is why Netflix gave him his own spin off special, aptly named "100 Eyes."

Take a look:

"100 EYES"

Game of Thrones Counterpart:
Thoros of Mir and The Red Viper of Dorne


He’s the snake in the court. The schemer. With safety, you cannot take him with you or leave him behind. He is the foil to all the great plans of the Khan of Khans, and just a terrific villain all around.

His origins are tragic. His exploits are completely sordid, and he puts some actions in motion that almost topples the whole thing. And, all the while, you just can’t look away!

Without Ahmad, and his SERIOUS family issues, this show loses almost all of its intrigue and some of the most amazing plot twists there are in any series on television.

Game of Thrones Counterpart:
Littlefinger, Cersei Lannister, and Qyburn   

Empress Chabi:
In a brutal man’s world like the medieval court of the Great Kublai Khan, Empress Chabi ABSOLUTELY holds her own. She is the wolf mother you just don’t see coming but you have to respect. She – like most unsung great women of history – controls the court of the Khan, and makes him PAY when he doesn’t listen to her.

She too takes ZERO shit, and will not hesitate to kill ANYONE who stands in the way of her happiness, her family, and her Khan’s power. She is the goddess of all things domestic in the empire of the Khan, and to cross her means a big scary Mongol coming to your yert in the middle of the night to utterly end your crap.

Game of Thrones Counterpart: 
The Queen of Thorns, Olenna Tyrell, Margery Tyrell, and Cersei Lannister

Remember at the very beginning of this post I promised you some Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon? 

Well, I’ll have no one say I can’t deliver!

Michelle Yeoh – Yu Shu Lien from CTHD, and one of the top ladies on my “Broadswords” list – stars on Marco Polo as “Lotus,” the beautiful and deadly love interest to 100 Eyes, and absolutely poisonous thorn in the side of the power-hungry Khan.

She wants to see China freed of the yolk of Kublai and the Mongols, and will do ANYTHING to make that happen. Is she the deadly force that will topple Marco’s ambition? His Khan’s power? And everything the Mongols have worked for? Possibly. But maybe she's something more.

Watch the show. You will not – I promise – be disappointed with anything she does (except 1 thing, sorry).

Game of Thrones Counterpart: Arya Stark, Berric Dondarion, and Brienne of Tarth.

Final Thoughts:
Whether you’re a fan of history, a fan of cinema, a fan of the sword and battles, or just struggling to find GREAT television, you should totally give Marco Polo the binge watching it deserves. HBO and mainstream cable might have Game of Thrones to help them collect their laurels, but epics like this show you that human struggles are not confined to one race, one kingdom, or one timeline.

I would put Marco Polo up against any period piece on the market, and would be completely confident that anyone would rate it the Khan of Khans of TV.

Friday, July 8, 2016

Land Rover Sword Commercial


This is excellent, and yes, would be my ideal work place (without the whole "take them down" bit):

Also, to be fair, the guy is wearing the katana the wrong way in his belt, so I am not sure he's qualified to have all of those beautiful, functional pieces of steel hanging on his wall.

But, we can all dream.