I love knives. Always have.
After all, they’re small swords, right? And, don’t they make the perfect pairing to your favorite long sword, rapier, or katana?
Oh yes.
They’re the most primitive and yet the most sophisticated of tools. In the kitchen, in the fishing boat, in the woods - they’re your trusty sidearm, and one of the only things between you and straight-up starvation.
In our dreams, they’re daggers in the dark. They can build and destroy empires (Et Tu, Brute?). They can be as simple or as elaborate as your imagination allows, and men, women and kids the world over can’t get enough of them to the tune of BILLIONS of dollars, annually.
So when our favorite purveyors of fist full of fuck yeah at Zombie Tools made an American Bowie Knife design, I fell instantly in love. The Bowie Knife was already legendary to me, of course, having learned about its rise to glory when I was like 6 years old oh so long ago, but ZT’s monstrous unique take on it was more than anything I could have hoped for.
They’re the most primitive and yet the most sophisticated of tools. In the kitchen, in the fishing boat, in the woods - they’re your trusty sidearm, and one of the only things between you and straight-up starvation.
In our dreams, they’re daggers in the dark. They can build and destroy empires (Et Tu, Brute?). They can be as simple or as elaborate as your imagination allows, and men, women and kids the world over can’t get enough of them to the tune of BILLIONS of dollars, annually.
So when our favorite purveyors of fist full of fuck yeah at Zombie Tools made an American Bowie Knife design, I fell instantly in love. The Bowie Knife was already legendary to me, of course, having learned about its rise to glory when I was like 6 years old oh so long ago, but ZT’s monstrous unique take on it was more than anything I could have hoped for.
The Zombie Tools Felon Bowie
Do a simple search on a site like KnifeCenter.com and you get a broad array of options for your garden-variety Bowies. They’re all lovely to look at, and all fall within certain parameters, despite their unique designs: · Overall Length: 12 to 16.5 inches
· Blade Length: 7.0 to 11 inches
· Weight: 11.6 to 27.3oz
· Some Kind of Clip Point
Boker Magnum, SVORD, SOG, Condor Knife & Tool, Schrade, they all said:
“Great. Bowies. Simple. Easy. Awesome”
And put out their product.
Well and good…
But the boys at Zombie Tools chose to walk a different path. Their take on the Bowie, The Felon, is designed to filet trout and one-swipe tree branches with equal efficiency, as well as brown the shorts of anyone unfortunate enough to get into any kind of fight with its wielder.
Zombie Tools Felon Stats:
To be perfectly honest, The Felon is more short sword than a bladed belt accessory. It flaunts its length and heft with confidence and swagger while simultaneously offering ZERO chance of easy concealment. If you’re fan of hassle-free open carry or subtle EDC knives, this one may not be for you: · Total Length: 19.5 in.
· Blade Length: 12.75 in.
· Handle Length: 6.5 in.
· Steel Thickness: .25 in.
· Weight: 2lbs 2oz
· Steel Type: 5160
Get to the Choppah!
But for all her size, is she a reliable knife? Extra thicc and big-boned (how I like em), sure, but how’s the edge? Single bevel? How does it stand up to its tasks and represent the ZT name against tougher targets? Glad you asked:
Should I Buy the Zombie Tools Felon?
If you’re looking for a kick-ass original monster Bowie, yes. But understand that this thing is not a camp knife, a trail knife, or kitchen slicer. It is the ULTIMATE version of all of them!
What it lacks in finesse, it more than makes up for in stopping power and chopping ability. The clip point is elegant (though false-edged), but shouldn’t be used for menial tasks like opening letters or spreading butter. It CAN chop your veggies, but is more comfortable with your firewood.
You want balance? Go see Cirque Du Soleil. You’ll be holding a whole sharpened kilo of forward-heavy steel with a fat-ass handle, and a ton of pride about being the diesel truck of big Bowies.
No apologies asked. None given.
Knife, Not Cleaver!
“But wait…” you sputter. “I like a lighter, more-balanced blade that isn’t a total behemoth on my belt. Where then do I look?” Couple years ago, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. I knew next to nothing about hand-crafted knives, except that there were the hotness. But today, after much meandering around Facebook groups and official indoctrination into a hobby that promises to 100% break my bank account, I can be your guide.
Let’s chat about The Dark Timber Brotherhood & Work Tuff Gear.
What is the Dark Timber Brotherhood?
Sounds like a knife cult doesn’t it? Well, that’s because it kind of is. But, in all the best ways. LOL. Lead by sword saint-in-training and Blade Show regular, Peter Kohler, this Facebook-Only Collective of knife lovers and all-around good guys and gals talks shop, compares models, showcases their collections of nearly-impossible to get DTKs with verve and flourish, and attracts new members every day.
The secret to Peter’s success, and the success of the DTB lies not only in the solid, hand-crafted, American-forged quality of all of the Dark Timber Knives, but also the transparency, openness, and leadership of the group.
Peter forges them. Puts all of his forging, sharpening, and knife talks on Facebook live. Lets people comment, either online or at the DTB events held in southern states twice-a-year. It’s a whole scene.
But more than that, brothers (and sisters) of the group talk and act on their acceptance and appreciation of the other members of the group. They ask for and exchange prayers. They fund each other if they lose big in life. They help one another in a variety of different ways and do it with a smile.
I am as much a fan fan of that as I am of all of their beautiful knives.
Dark Timber Knives: The OG Grizzly & The Honey Badger
All that comradery is great and all, but the foundation is the knives. That’s why we are here.
Do they stack up to the modern demands of today’s roughneck/knife nuts alike? In my estimation, with flying colors:
Grizzly:
Honey Badger:
How Do I Get a Dark Timber Knife?
Gorgeous as they are, there is a matching desire for these things that mirrors that beauty. What is more, there are only a few ways to pick up your own DT pig sticker, and all of them involve a decent chunk of change, quick clicking keyboard fingers, or both:
- Custom Order: The fastest and most direct way to get one, but also the most expensive, you can always order your DTK by talking to Peter directly. Knives can generally cost $1000+, so be ready to part with your long-saved Bar Mitzvah cash from grandma.
- Purchase One during “The Drop”: When Peter creates a batch of steel beauties, he reaches out to his contacts at BladeHQ and KnivesShipFree and sets a date for when these knives will be in stock and available for purchase.
This is called “The Drop.” It is the most sacred day(s) of the year to the brothers and sisters of the Brotherhood.
Now, you CAN simply add a knife to your cart and proceed to check-out, but here’s the trick: everyone will be doing exactly the same thing at the same time. You could add a couple rare knives to your online tote, go to pay, and BAM! Cart sniped. You’ve lost your knife and your chance to show it off. It’s tough, but so are these blades.
Gut wrenching reality is: everyone wants one and EVERYONE will be there.
Bottom line is the knives, and the company, speak for themselves. They are among the best I have ever seen, and appeal to me on so many different levels - both personally and aesthetically. The light metallic skeleton, the blade shape, the customization options for the hilt scales, the full-tang construction - it’s just everything.
Gut wrenching reality is: everyone wants one and EVERYONE will be there.
- Head to the BLADE Show: Every year, in Georgia, the blade community holds a gathering where all of the best blade sellers and forgers come together to showcase their wares. It’s lovingly and aptly-named: BLADE Show. Peter, his followers, and fellow blade merchants attend to give everyone their shot at glory. Show up cash in-hand (so I have heard) and go home happy.
Bottom line is the knives, and the company, speak for themselves. They are among the best I have ever seen, and appeal to me on so many different levels - both personally and aesthetically. The light metallic skeleton, the blade shape, the customization options for the hilt scales, the full-tang construction - it’s just everything.
I know there are A MILLION different knife companies and forgers out there - each bringing their own appeal to everyone - but these are for me (when I can afford them and not get cart sniped trying to get one). Call me a fan boi I guess.
(SHRUG)
(SHRUG)
Work Tuff Gear Knives
If Dark Timber is at the top of the Stateside market for forging and selling stunning fixed-blade knives, Work Tuff Gear is coming from overseas to give them a run for their money. Based in Taiwan, this forge has almost all of the looks and metal toughness of DTK, but with the regular availability of a ubiquitous merchant on the rise. Not only do they have their own shop on their website AND AMAZON for a good number of models, but their exquisite knives - even the much sought-after Nomad - are almost always in-stock and ready-to-ship!
Like an affordable appetizer to the main course (for now), I cannot recommend, HIGHLY enough, the sturdy pro construction of a Work Tuff to ready your fist for your first DTK.
Honorable Fixed Blade Mention: Norse Hunting Knife, Viking Styles
I would be remiss without a mention of the Norse Bear-Themed Hunting Knife from Viking Styles in my pantheon of belt hangers. I haven't seen this blade broken down to bare bones, but I can say, with confidence, that I have carried it into the woods and used it without issue, incident, or complaint.
Not only will these blades serve for whatever tasks you need round the campsite, their decorative aspects leave nothing to be desired in terms of aesthetics and overall Norse appeal.
Bear’s head pommel? Check.
Attractive up-swept curving blade design? Roger that.
Intricate s-shaped fullers for light, fast blade handling? Right on.
Though it is stainless steel (as most knives are), I would wager it would gut a stag, cut rope, whittle kindling, or perform to almost any level you needed with admirable ease. Plus, their company offers constant, honest communications and lightning-fast shipping, worldwide.
Bear’s head pommel? Check.
Attractive up-swept curving blade design? Roger that.
Intricate s-shaped fullers for light, fast blade handling? Right on.
Though it is stainless steel (as most knives are), I would wager it would gut a stag, cut rope, whittle kindling, or perform to almost any level you needed with admirable ease. Plus, their company offers constant, honest communications and lightning-fast shipping, worldwide.
So there we have it. If you love fixed blades as much as I do, you can’t really go wrong with any of the choices above. Research your state’s unique knife carry laws, always cut away from your own hands (seriously), and respect the power of gorgeous life and death you hold in your hands.
